Richard Writes: A Blog by Children’s Writer, Richard Carlson Jr.

I have noticed a change in my thinking for the better. Now when I think, there is less of me thinking something and my ill mind disagreeing in that it wants me to think something else as if it is always correct, which it has not been.

I anticipate a full recovery, but not cured from my paranoid schizophrenia and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I am working on several new coloring book ideas which I will reveal soon, hopefully, as life is busy around here.

As mentioned in my previous entry, Kevin Likes Art: He has Autism – A Coloring Book, is being proofread and should be available from Amazon.com before the end of the year. I hope you are happy with your copy! I will send out a newsletter e-mail when it is ready for order. To sign up, please go to: http://www.richardcarlsonjr.com/newsletter.php.

I still have paranoia. Paranoia, paranoia, and more paranoia.

I believe it is a great sign that I now realize my paranoia episodes and as I mentioned in a previous entry, it’s better than not knowing it. I also believe that me realizing my paranoia means I am nearing recovery.

I still am concerned about finding a job before I completely recover though.

My psychiatrist was glad to hear the news about the voice going away which was my conscience, that is, most people, according to my psychiatrist, sense or can tell different things because of their conscience–I used to hear it as a voice, and now I have impulses telling me to do certain things, such as what to type in my blog entry.

Anyway, I must get back to proofreading.

I have been doing what a voice tells me for the most part, up until four days ago, when the voice went away. Now, I have impulses which guide me and make suggestions as to what to do, say and write which means, at least to me as far as I can tell, that I am still not recovered.

I have been proofreading and revising the cover for Kevin Likes Art: He has Autism – A Coloring Book. It will be a spectacular book after it is published, which should be hopefully very soon–within the next month actually if not sooner.

I also have several other potential ideas that are good ones. I hope to be able to finish revising the cover for Kevin Likes Art soon so it can be proofread.

I am feeling much better mentally as I noticed a dramatic improvement over thirty minutes ago! The voice appears to have gone away–which is great news! Will I recover completely? Soon?

I am considering self-publishing one of my picture book revised drafts, when it is complete and appropriately proofread of course, through CreateSpace.com. I anticipate being able to find a selective publisher, after it is available through CreateSpace.com, when people have a chance to read it and appreciate the fine illustrations, which haven’t been drawn yet.

Once a week when he visits, Kevin, my autistic younger brother, draws a number of drawings for us to use in our projects, including some that are almost complete.

I really like his art! I hope that the two of us, and possibly my other younger brother Steve, who translated one of our projects into Chinese, will be in the news regarding our work and maybe you will watch, listen and/or read about us.

Today for a short while I was paranoid. I believe I have been paranoid in my past, after being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, about different things and not have known it, even recently.

It might be that because I am in the process of recovering, I am realizing how often I have paranoia which would be a great sign. I hope so as I will definitely talk to my psychiatrist during my next appointment.

My new coloring book idea is ready for publication, I believe, which will be self-published. I am waiting to hear from my younger brother who speaks Chinese. He is apparently proofreading the cover. I also wait to hear from him this week regarding him possibly translating, Autism Coloring Book into Chinese which I believe would add to its desirability.

I am not going to be a pest though, as it is his decision. Either way, I will approve of his decision.

I am going to ask him about us possibly self-publishing Autism Coloring Book and Schizophrenia Coloring Book which will be good sellers as I am a good salesperson; although I am still mentally ill and in recovery. He might approve as he once told me that it would be all right to start out with self-publishing and I assume, then work with a selective publisher(s) who might be a bit too picky when it comes to book production, that is, they might not allow us to do/have exactly what we would like as far as things such as book cover design, the number of pages and more. I hope I am able to completely recover. I do not want to have to accept not being able to be on television, radio, newspapers and the like.

My three novel series, of which the titles are secret, are not going to be self-published. They are exceptionally good and I anticipate it being much easier getting them published through a selective publisher than most other novel series given to them for consideration, that is, mine are what they are looking for in that they provide the necessary content to make best-selling novels. I haven’t made the time to look over them for a long time.

I have three revised manuscripts for the three novels in the first series. They are wonderful! Also, I have a revised draft for the first novel in another series and an incomplete draft for the second novel in that series which has been a great challenge to write effectively as all of my novels contain literary elements such as symbolism, foreshadowing, etc. For the third novel series, I only have an incomplete revised draft for the first book. For more information about my writing projects in progress, please go to my official Web site’s page, http://www.richardcarlsonjr.com/writing.php. I have quite a few, I might add, of which most are revised drafts or basically complete, but are waiting for me to recover completely until I give them final approval and submit them to a selective publisher or self-publish them.

I am going to recover completely. I hope!

I still have paranoid thoughts-I have similar, but not as intense thoughts as yesterday. I might be recovering, but I still suffer from paranoid schizophrenia.

Can I be recovered soon enough to find full-time employment with benefits?

Can I be recovered soon enough to find a nice girl to marry?

Can I be a great father to a little boy or girl?

Can I be recovered soon enough to attend my high school twentieth class reunion which will occur in 2009?

I am still paranoid of certain people apparently, which doesn’t mean I would harm them, of course, as my paranoia causes me to feel differently about how to deal with the person in conversation or in written communication, for example. I am still paranoid as I type because my ill mind isn’t functioning correctly; however, I realize I am having paranoid thoughts, which is better than not realizing it.

I hope this episode won’t last for long as I have to help my sister with her chemistry homework, I assume as she is doing it as I type. I will post my blog entry later, after my paranoia goes away, hopefully.

I have created a cover graphic for a new coloring book we, my autistic brother Kevin  and I, plan to self-publish through CreateSpace.com. It went well and even though I didn’t rush, I basically finished it in one day, yesterday. It is very nice. I wasn’t anticipating completing it so soon.

I also expect a coloring book published by CreateSpace.com to arrive tomorrow in the mail to see what it is like and to be absolutely certain that we should publish through them. I like their method of publication in that I am in full control, basically, of how the cover and book block are designed. No one else can change it I assume, which means it will be published with the same look and feel as I see it on paper.

I am also looking into getting Autism Coloring Book translated into Chinese, which I anticipate will be accepted by my younger brother, Steve, who serves in the U.S. Navy and uses Chinese in his job, I assume, as much of it is classified, I also assume as that’s what he told me a while back. It was very nice of him to translate Schizophrenia Coloring Book for Kevin, who illustrated it, and me.

I also have several children’s novels either as revised drafts or completed which I will not self-publish as I believe they will be popular reads-not that I believe the coloring books won’t be popular. I haven’t had/made the time to work on them as they are also good ideas.

As soon as I completely recover, I hope, I will find full-time employment and discontinue Social Security disability benefits as that is what I would like to accomplish with regards to my future.

At my next psychiatrist appointment, which is nearing, I plan to tell the doctor about my paranoia and about the changes in certain opinions I have. I have been planning to make a list, so I don’t forget anything.

I am still having paranoid thoughts. I recently came up with several more coloring book projects. Yesterday, while adding scans of drawings to a book block, I became paranoid and didn’t add certain drawings because of my ill mind, at first, until my ill mind told me I was paranoid. Then my ill mind was still confused. My ill mind I hear as a voice. I do not do everything it asks me to do, though, as I know it is just my ill mind.

On a brighter note, I have begun compilation of fifty of my younger brother Kevin’s drawings to add to a coloring book we plan to self-publish assuming we are satisfied with how the book turns out.

In regards to my paranoid schizophrenia and obsessive-compulsive disorder, I believe I am still recovering as I have realized certain ideas of mine are not normal including the idea that self-publishing must never be an option for a writer.

I still hear a voice, which I can hear it if I listen carefully as it isn’t very loud. To read about it, please download Schizophrenia Coloring Book. I do many things because of what the voice says, including many opinions of mine which have been greatly influenced because of what the voice says to me.

I am not going to hurt anyone though, as I am aware that my actions because of my illness have also been influenced during the difficult times we, meaning my family and others, had. I never would have done certain things that hurt others, including myself.

I know better, I hope, not to do everything the voice tells me, even though I sometimes say harmless things it tells me to say, which means I am not a threat to others or myself. I know that the voice is just my ill mind.

Maybe the voice will go away soon, we hope, that is my family, psychiatrist and I. I do not always do what it tells me as I know, as of a while ago, that might be wrong depending on what it told me.

On another subject; I have started another writing project about Arizona, Arizona Coloring Book, which is not a very complicated one, in my opinion, and will probably be available for download as soon as it is ready. Like Schizophrenia Coloring Book and Autism Coloring Book, it will be illustrated by my brother Kevin, who has autism.

Our latest completed collaboration, Schizophrenia Coloring Book, is now available for download at http://www.schizophreniacoloringbook.com. I am going to be proactive in looking for an at least decent publisher as soon as I make the time and also promote as I see fit, that is, also be proactive in its promotion.

The coloring book download was illustrated by my younger brother Kevin (http://www.kevincarlson.info), who has autism and translated into Chinese also by another younger brother, Steven who serves in the U.S. Navy; the Navy taught him Chinese as part of his job there.

I am very happy with how my entire family has been during my recovery; being patient and trying not to get angry with me when I haven’t cooperated because of my illnesses and also for being there for me in that I wouldn’t be very happy homeless or in a shelter rather than with them.

I am also thankful for my psychiatrist, Dr. Nelson, who has been patient with my recovering process which in my opinion isn’t complete, at least from what I can tell. I am also thankful for Victoria, a very considerate person, who works at Codac, where I get my psychiatric treatment from who at least once worked after she was supposed to, to help me get medication I needed refills on which isn’t to say there aren’t other people behind the scenes who also helped her and Dr. Nelson.